Edinburgh: Day 1
I’ve been awake since FIVE AM. *rattles*
Right now I should be at the Ontroend Goed show that everyone’s been calling “indefensible”, but Scary Gorgeous went up late and I was relishing the sit down (if not the show) so didn’t get myself across town in time for OG. (Did you see that way I just called them ‘OG’? That’s because I’ve, like, seen their work before and totally know what they’re, like, trying to SAY, yah?) Will have to practice my knowing look when important theatre types ask me for my opinion on all the boundaries it pushed. (Just googled it and, fucking hell, quite glad to be in my pyjamas already.)
Speaking of theatre going further than ever before, earlier I saw Oh Fuck Moment, by Chris Thorpe and Hannah Walker, all about that feeling you get when you realise you’ve made a momentous fuck-up. It was one of those informal, interactive affairs where you’re given a cup of tea and the performers use their real names and all that. I find these kind of things really difficult at first, because I always have this urge to just chat away and help dissolve some of that pre-show tension that there always is when someone’s put pens and paper in front of an audience. It’s like our inner child is jumping to attention for a surprise spelling test. I’m not very good at not talking RELENTLESS MINDLESS CRAP when there’s any kind of getting-to-know-you situation. I behaved myself pretty well by all accounts, but OH MY GOD WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I WROTE MY OWN ‘OH FUCK’ MOMENT DOWN. They’d literally JUST SAID that we “may be asked to read something out” and the only thing that came into my head was something so completely appallingly embarrassing that I had ACTUALLY NEVER TOLD A LIVING SOUL BEFORE TODAY. And then, OF COURSE, I had one of the magic teacups that meant I had to read it out. I should have said my ‘oh fuck’ moment was when I realised I was going to have to read that out in front of a room full of strangers. I even fucking locked myself out of the house in my dressing gown last week. WHY DIDN’T I WRITE THAT DOWN?!
Once I’d got over my shameful admission and everyone had politely tittered and moved their chairs that little bit further away, the show was awesome, with an especially funny bit involving a hockey stick. The guy diagonally opposite me looked like he was actually going to die laughing. His breathing was totally worrying me.
Before that I saw Translunar Paradise by Theatre Ad Infinitum, which made me cry FOUR WHOLE TIMES and was magically put together; told entirely without dialogue. It’d be a real five star treat if I didn’t have a sneaking suspicion the whole thing was ripped off from that Pixar film with the balloons.
I also caught Little Matter by The River People, a puppetry thing in a makeshift tent that I very nearly didn’t find at all. The Fringe app was telling me I was there, but I was definitely in an empty car park. It’s worth looking a bit harder though, because Little Matter was really really lovely. Twee as fuck to begin with, but it kept me onside by bringing out a DEAD BABY PUPPET about halfway through. I’ve been meaning to seek out more adult puppetry recently. Should really go to that Suspense festival whenever it happens. I’ll be the one tutting at the love scenes and heckling for more dead babies. Oooh, the songs were good in Little Matter too (makes a change) and, if nothing else, you should go to see the violin guy who looks exactly like Vic Reeves.
Finally, it was Scary Gorgeous by Rash Dash, which everyone seems to bum like crazy. I wasn’t fussed. They were making a really valuable point about female relationships and porn and misogyny and I wholeheartedly agree with their stance on the cumshot, but the whole thing was just so horribly depressing. So depressing that I wasn’t laughing when everyone else was and just sat there thinking about whether we should kill all men or kill all women. Or just eradicate sex for the good of humanity. Let’s all just not do it anymore. We would save the planet by not washing our bedsheets nearly as often, and we’d all stop acting like such momentous DICKS.
(Finally, I’ll tell you about my ‘oh fuck’ moment if you email me. DEFS not putting it up here.)
(FINALLY finally, NO I DON’T WANT A FLYER FOR YOUR FREE SKETCH COMEDY SHOW.)
