I use the arts as a coping mechanism.
Here I am on Twitter.

THIS IS A SPONSORED BLOG POST. I AM A CULTURAL PROSTITUTE.

So I got an email a couple of weeks ago from a lady at Canongate Books. She’d found me on Twitter and noticed I was a David Shrigley fan so she was offering me a copy of his new retrospective collection. I was all like “ummm… I don’t really do ‘proper’ reviews anymore because I’m a cynical bastard who hates everything” but then she was like “it’s okay, we’re just trying to drum up a bit of interest on Twitter so a couple of tweets’ll be fine”. I didn’t tell her that I tried to crowd-source my dinner a while back and not one of my followers voted in either the two categories I offered. It was a fucking disaster. Had to eat pizza and a carbonara ready meal. (These hips don’t lie.)

But it is in situations such as this that I am reminded of my intention to bring down the system from within, until we are living in a left-of-centre intellectual paradise and all school leavers can distinguish between a zither and a harpsichord. SUBVERSION FOREVER! FUCK THE SYSTEM!!!

David Shrigley I love you and I’ve loved your stuff since I was about this big and I’ve already got two of your books and a poster of massive thumbs that you drew and about SIX postcards and the extra stuff in this book that I’ve never seen before is amazing, especially the bell that you ring when Jesus comes back and the one with Newcastle in between heaven and hell and the pigeons Timmy the squirrel has fucked and I am an Arts Management student so I would like to do work experience with you as your assistant/tea maker/paintbrush cleaner/whatever. I also think you would win in a fight with Antony Gormley who is a twat.

So yeah. This book’s okay I guess. Might tweet about it. Might not. Whatevs.