Rubbish stuff that’s happened today (but I did get new headphones and the Wolf Parade album I suppose)
So, my mobile phone is broken and I can only hear anything when I use the speakerphone but this just means that I can’t ever answer the phone in public because then all my colleagues or the people on the bus or whoever will have to listen to the bank telling me I have no money or my friend Nick talking about comic book conventions and I’d have to put my best couldn’t-care-less face when my fantasies about being an incognito MI5 agent are crumbling all around me. Unless you want to call me up and pretend to be Judi Dench with my next foreign assignment - I’ll totally answer then.
So anyways, I have a fault code from Orange and I have to take it in to the Carphone Warehouse to get repaired. Darren’s Mum’s lent me another handset but that keeps switching off and I don’t know the PIN number (why do we say PIN number? It should totally be PI number, but then everyone would try to be clever by choosing 3.142 and we’d all get robbed every day) so I’m still not sure that it will even accept my SIM card. So, I went into Carphone Warehouse on Saturday and the girl said “well, yeah, you could leave it with us today but no-one’s gonna look at it till Tuesday” so then I took it back today and someone else said “Nah, the engineers won’t be back till next Monday so you may as well just use the speakerphone for another week” and I felt like smashing it into his face and demanding a whole new phone because the other girl was a BLATANT LIAR but I didn’t, I just went “okay then, thanks” and shuffled outside WHERE IT WAS PISSING IT DOWN.
Then I bought some new headphones and my mate’s band, Ten Bears, are being used on the packaging for these little rubber iPod case thingies and that cheered me up for a minute or two because there were like 20 little pictures of Jo and Sam and Kris and Dom and Luke grinning back at me in HMV, but then I had to phone BT because ever since Andy got a computer he’s basically been downloading the whole internet every month and now we have to pay them a trillion pounds and he has to stop fucking using his laptop as his own portable cinema or pay the fucking price, but it turns out that when I signed up they gave me some silly BT email address and they’ve been sending me YOUR HOUSEMATE IS DOWNLOADING THE WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET emails for months but I never even knew. And I said, sweet as pie, “would it be possible for you to change my address to the hotmail one I check on a daily basis?” and the idiot bitch on the end of the line was like “Your internet provider is BT Miss Vaughan so you were provided with a BT email account when you registered and anyway Hotmail is AOL and nothing to do with us.” And I was like “No, actually, Hotmail is an MSN website and has nothing to do with AOL and email is free so can you not just change the destination of your emails?” and then she was like “no I’m an idiot bitch” so then I sent a death ray down the phone lines and killed her dead.
Actually, I didn’t do that last bit but I did phone back a few minutes later and ask another guy if he’d reset my BT password so I could at least find out what disgusting female ejaculation porn Andy’s into. And then I downloaded the Wolf Parade album to cheer myself up and because if the internet’s in my name I’m bloody well going to take full advantage of it. Hmmph.